A Stray Man's Diary Chapter.4

Someday,the doctor came to my bed in emergency room ,he observed my legs ,I dressed a fake leg ,and it was not so comfortable ,besides,my whole skin was allergy  .
"Seems like you are getting better and better!"
"No problem doctor!I 'm doing well !"
"Emm.....Today you will move into ordinary room ,can you?"
"Can I also see the nurse and my old friend often?"
"No!You cannot disturb ER's regulation !"
My old friend curiously watched me and said
"Young fellow!You will do very great improvement without me,go ahead!"
And soonly ,two male nurse move my bed away from where I used to for two months .
When we passed by the front door ,my "Girl Friend"was there ,she was smiling to me but hardly could I speak anything!

The ordinary room was four share one ,how awful !They are all uncivilized !Totally not!They steal wine,cigarette ,and deserts !And a gentle man like me was totally shamed .When someone represent his bad habits ,a librarian like me ----righteous and honesty -----should digest him,but,they never respect me .
There was a young one ,with bear and stinky smelling ,he tried to close to me .
"Hay!Buddy!Do you want the cigarette!?"Then he cough with a bit of blood .
"Take care of your lungs!"
"They are old but functional!"
"You don't jog me,they are badly illed!"
"Maybe!So what!Life is short!I'll smoke till the end of my life!"
A old nurse knocked our door ,and peeked inside,
"Gentleman !If anyone smoke?!I could smell !"
He throw away his cigarette and dressed a silly smile ,said,
"Nanny I am a good boy!"
She was strict and sharp,skinny and tall.She walked in ,spy everything with her shinning eyes,
"You cheat me !Give me all your cigarette!And now!"
My accompany was very timmy and gave her his cigarette box.
"Nanny!I'm sorry!"
"You are a bad child!And so do you,new patient!"
I smiled but without words,because she reminded me my mother!

After she left ,he opened his CD-player ,and there was a few Marlboro !
"How could you suffer  life as jailed?"he asked me.
"At least there are enough food and clothe!Look!My leg!There might be impossible for me to carry heavy
books on shelf,and even make love.......I don't know what should I do in the future!"He seemed like very confused ,lit the cigarette and said.
"Tomorrow will be in God's charge ,but today,we share our brother love!"

The little birds on the branch were  very moved ,and they cry
"Then ,what's happen to that cute young fellow?"
"He died,and I had no excuse to live in hospital!And so do I stray away!But ,how far could I stray?"
"Till heaven!"the bird said
And suddenly ,in front of the stray man, there was a huge rainbow from sky till earth.
"Run!Before the rainbow disappear!It is your miracle!"the birds said .
He was kind of hesitate ,but he decided to run ,he run with all his might on the huge rainbow!

In front of the door of heaven ,there was another stray man ,and he looked just like a smoker!

.........the end........

p.s The next day ,policeman fund out a handicapped strayed man in the park ,and he wasn't breathing .

成功的代價

依稀記得年少時對文學的熱愛,一直到現在,我還是很懷念,因為容易受感動,所以沉浸書中,成為一角人物的感受!
最想念的可能是,高中時,為了了解拿破崙戰爭史,所以在黃明鐘老師的鼓勵下,閱讀托爾斯泰的戰爭與和平,我為這個主題寫了報告,我記得,年少天真的我,畫了娜塔夏的樣子,包括衣服和生活方式.但有一個問題,我沒有請教黃老師,也不相信這個問題重要,就是---

托翁在世時即聲譽卓著,可說是歐洲第一小說家,為甚麼他會那麼憂愁,為甚麼他想放棄生命,甚至寫遺書?而且還好幾次?
為甚麼高二的我,只要考的好就高興,被稱讚還會喜咨咨的想個沒完?
如果我有那麼成功的小說,我一定很快樂的!為甚麼托翁想不開?

我雖然年少,但我可以推論出----因為他有一顆深隧的心靈,不會被成功改變!

我少年時的心,深深的敬佩托翁的精神,雖然,我也自知自己只是平凡的孩子!不能妄想跟托翁一樣!

因為很多原因,應該說是蒼海桑田,我了解到,托翁的痛苦,是為了蛻變,戰爭與和平裡的每一個角色,都歷經生命的掙扎和人格的蛻變,蛻變是非常痛苦的感受, 脆弱的我認為自己應該接受精神科治療,包括我的家人!

但我知道,蛻變是最珍貴的成功,及使沒有獎品!
蛻變就是存在!和不朽的生命!在天地間不朽!

心經v.s金剛經

心經追求舍利子;金剛經追求阿耨多羅三藐三菩提心
心經求自己的解脫;金剛經發願奉行一切善
心經是小乘;金剛經是大乘

我的書法經

大概是小三或小四時,我们開始學書法,
小學時,從無到有,是最大的創意,
我的導師,黃秀美,也教我们畫國畫,
但是大家都不知道在畫甚麼碗糕,
衣服玩的髒希希的!

我爺爺,黃文科居士,是我的書法家教,
因為他在家裡傳書道給子孫,
(令提一筆,茶道也是他傳的)
阿公,在我印象中,從沒有誇過我甚麼,
可是我知道這是他給我的因材施教!

中學時,大家都要寫書法作業,
吳雅芝老師要我们自己找喜歡的字帖,
我記得我第一本自帖是柳公權的金剛經,
我覺得柳公權希望我柔,所以不收徒,
把我轉給趙孟頫,
趙松雪的字跟我很投緣,
清秀飄逸,若仙子態,
後來聽說他是趙宋,卻仕於元,
心裡對他不諒解,
但長大以後,我發覺,
也許這就是上善若水!

高三之後,沒人寫字了!
應該說是,孩子個奔前程,各有科系,
很多人不知不覺,完全放棄小時後的興趣,
一直到我決心放棄法學院的壓力時,
我又提筆,抄寫了.....大學之道在明明德.

那時我爺爺很老了,
我讓他知道我又開使玩書法,
他看了我的字,
沒一個滿意!
因此我對自己也不滿意,
一直到五年前,阿公走了!

阿公走了以後,親戚間感情也淡了,
我開始創造自己的字,
也創造自己的文化!
我會玩書法一輩子,一直到死,
不為爭名逐利,
只因為我是中國人,台灣人,
和炎黃子孫!