Note-----about heaven

I don't know how long was the night.But I almost sleepless,and I saw myself try to find out my dream,I mean,the dreams that belongs to me,for I couldn't feel my ego,and I got lost when I melt into another soul,who was a giant and saint ,then I couldn't different what was me ,and what was the impact my idols brings to me.My "idols" means not"many gods" but the "great minds" in history.I'm a student who study great minds,however,I had always made fault!
Some people said their desire a unique mind!But I 'm just eager want to learn  how could I see further and deeper,not like an innocent and ordinary woman.
I love the world very much,but somehow I belong not here,because heaven is my destination.I believe in we come to the earth to learn ,and the earth is our school,and if we know what is truth and love,we will find the way to heaven.You would ask me,what does heaven mean,I think it is eternal joy and peace,where every good soul share love and freedom,and I am willingly to sell out all my property in order to win heaven!
And I don't know if we must all become Jesus then we would be allowed into heaven!I think we must fallow Him!
I was a child who doesn't like to listen to preach.But now I've learned how to listen to truth which I am thirsty for!
I don't know if the world on earth is only illusion and only heaven is true,but I know part of our spirit on earth will be the equipment for heaven,which I think is a good and sharing heart!
Why so many people believe in life is a contest or fighting?It's so tiredsome,isn' t it?And the way to heaven is not at all a contest!But maybe we should fight to shine with the light of Jesus!
I think I am so old!I will be older than Jesus' mortal life on earth!But I'm not at all wiser than Jesus!How could I do more for people I love!
I feel death is very nearby,and I must not be so childish anymore!
Jesus!You've always known,I am searching for nothing but your kingdom!