Another Musician

I don't know if music is my life,or my soul.
Heard of too many friends talking about how do they fight and desire for music,I full of admire for them,but,
I feel if I take music as a goal,I wouldn't feel music!I wouldn't love any!
Many days I desert my instruments because of anger for myself,yes,I was angry for myself!Do I know why?
Not totally!
Many days I couldn't even sing,and I sang awfully without any sense!Do I ever anger?As you wish,I anger spiritual world because it was too harsh to me!
For I used to blindly take every tutor's way as my style,and obviously I haven't meet another tone cohere with me.And obviously ,my feeling for art is not yet understood for even myself!
But why do I feel music is so beautiful,and charming?
I could feel performing couldn't be my ambition nor plan!
And I couldn't be proud of any form.....any style ..nor fame!
My life was very hard!And it is still!

Now I don't wish to accomplish any goal for art.
Many there ,laughing me giving up,and I don't mind how would them feel,any concert wouldn't be my contribution!
And I totally admit that I am limited in front of Titans' great,therefore,I could fly as a very small lark,play game like a very small kid,and they will smile into my lonely mind saying ---My poor little Blue Lark!