Be a Stray Bird

I felt aimless but not knowing why,if I should love a man or woman and built life with him or she?
But,what would happen if love is not as I dream for?
I play solitary game but I am happy,my sisters would marry someday,and I will marry God ,as I wish!
I am aimless but not empty,because I love my neighbors when I saw I child in need I will hold him up,
and I try very hard to love everyone as love myself!
I don't know why sometimes I hate ,and I blame myself not to hate,because something irritate me and my emotion lose balance and peace.And I would tell God,I had never want to hate!
If a relationship would make me feel strong?I don't think so!A relationship would be a gambler for me,but depend on Jesus ,He wouldn't disappoint me!
Do you know what does Jesus means about"If you ask I give,Knock the door,I will open it!"
It is talking about heaven,if all you want is heaven,you will deserve heaven,but not making a fortune or becoming a beauty!It was my secret wisdom,no one ever taught me so,but I know it,and I know only chosen people will accept it!
I felt aimless,and not knowing why,especially when my friends talking about their career and wedding life,
I know my future is death then rise into heaven,but not having babies and busy life,anyway,I don't eager to being dead.I take my time!Schopenhauer was my master friend when I was in temptation,I am not disappointed for life and love,but I see through it,and no more a butterfly like when I was a little girl !
I don't know why some people think kids are naive so do they want love,for I know life is very real once you try!Why would I accept Schopenhauer's idea?It's not so tough for me,and I am aimless but existing!
I've never known why Existence is so close to my color,when I began to ask,I 've been fascinated!But I 've never given up life and love but I wish so much to live like a stray bird!
Do you fly like a stray bird?